I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
