a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
