Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
