have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
