remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
