My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
