I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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