the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
