wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
