I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
