i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ladies don't puke and tell
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize