Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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