Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize