So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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