MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
