Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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