Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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