addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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