I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
