At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
