took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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