I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
