i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We left an ass print on the piano.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize