i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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