So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
