Whod you bang
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't turn off my feet"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
