just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
