When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
