Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
