yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
