I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
