i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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