Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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