I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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