SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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