The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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