please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
