So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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