she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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