I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
