First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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