was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I believe in your delicious
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
