38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
