im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
