hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Randomize
