it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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