What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
