Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
