I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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