i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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