I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
