I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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