girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
