i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
