she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
