just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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