Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
