Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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