Where is the hickey?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
