I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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