I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
