He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
