I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
