i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
