the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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