Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up under a house in Key West
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