i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
