spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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