Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
