the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
