benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
