I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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