What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
