And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
