rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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