shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
