Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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