I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
