Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
