She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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