worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
