i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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