Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
