Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
