it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
