I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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