I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
