as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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