You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
