Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
