Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
