My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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