Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
