i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
