I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
