I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In America we eat man semen.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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