question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
