I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize