The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize