she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
