She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
