I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
