remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
