If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
