Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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