flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize