I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
